Prequel on this.
As a dreamer whose her highly driven is to make the better world, the excitement explodes uncontrollable. However, the blues mess could not wait to hit in.
On my unfinished-mess final preparation yet just a couple day of my departure, in the midst of my hate on long-trip packing, juggling on un-ended work matter, preparing kit of my particular issue, digging more information about US and imaging the possible suffer in long hour flight; I am thinking,
“Was I really deserve this? Was this too overrated for me? Was this such a worthy and sensible price comparing in my ‘selfishly’ deal on letting my mother struggle in her upcoming loneliness and leaving work-matter which now in the significant phase on preparing our signature annual event that would be executed right after I come back”.
I wailed, because I wouldn’t be there for them, probably in the period when they need me the most. I felt sorry, if my selfishness on pursuing my dream might bring out the suffering for my surroundings.
However, much above it, my mind always rebels too far beyond. I fully conscious that what I’ve done is still nothing, I am far from being skilled, so that I should learn very much from the world for the upcoming and un-ended hard work should be done.
For answering my unforgivable blues, that this might came not for a wrong reason for me. There’re always not enough time to be fully ready. The universe might untoldly reaffirm that living a dream always possible, no matter how wild your dreams are.